Often There’s Only a Frown

I torture children and parents
Many people scream and wail in my presence
Parents drag their kids to me
I am supposed to create smiles,
But often there is only a frown.

What am I?

A dentist.

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If You Have Three, You Have Three

If you have three, you have three.
If you have two, you have two.
But if you have one, you have none.

What am I?

Choices.

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To Frighten a Thief

What four letters frighten a thief?

OICU (Oh I see you!)

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Doesn’t Fly Even With Wings

I have four wings but cannot fly,
I’ve never laughed nor will ever cry,
As much as I’d love to leave the ground,
I toil away with nary a sound.

What am I?

A few windmills

A windmill. The typical windmill, like the ones Don Quixote chased, have four vanes or sails. You might even say they look like wings. Windmills don’t have emotions, so they can’t laugh or cry. And since they don’t have actual wings, windmills don’t get off the ground. A well-oiled little bugger won’t make a peep.

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Debbie’s Dragster

Debbie starts driving her dragster from rest and constantly accelerates to 60 mph in 10 seconds. How far does she travel in those 10 seconds?

1/12 mile

Ten seconds is 1/6 of a minute and 1 minute is 1/60 of an hour, so 10 seconds is 1/360 of an hour.

If you graph her trip with the speed on the y-axis and the time on the x-axis, you get a triangle with height of 60 mph and width of 1/360 of an hour. To calculate the area of the triangle, you multiply 1/2 × 1/360 × 60 = 1/12.

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Hello Father

A women and daughter walked into a restaurant. A man walked past and the women both said, “Hello, Father”. How is this possible?

The man was a priest.

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I’m Usually Quite Pleasant

I’m usually quite pleasant
As you roam and play,
But if you look into my eyes,
I’ll not look away.

Once you turn away from me,
I’ll attack if I stay dry,
Better grab a pail of water,
I’ll not stop until I die.

What am I?

An Enderman, from Minecraft.

Enderman are normally passive, but they become hostile if a player looks directly at them. The Enderman will stare back until the player looks away, and then attack the player. A bucket of water is the best way to defeat an Enderman.

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Dancing All The Time

Moving to and fro,
Dancing all the time.
Only to be moved by others
To allow them to pass by.

What am I?

A door.

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An Elevator Accident

I’m in an elevator with two other people. When it reaches the first floor, one person gets out and six get in. When it reaches the second floor, three people get out and twelve get in. At the third floor, five leave and nine enter. It rises to the fourth floor, one person gets on and the doors close. Suddenly, the elevator cable snaps and the car smashes to the ground. No one survives the fall, yet I’m alive and know exactly how many people go on and off the elevator at every floor. How is this possible?

I got off at the first floor. I’m a security guard and knew how many people got on and off the elevator by watching the surveillance footage.

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Two Two Four Sequence

What number comes next?

2, 2, 4, 12, 48, ___

240. To get the number, multiply the previous number in the series by its position. 48 is in the 5th position, so 48 × 5 = 240

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