Shuns the Light of Day

What must be in the oven yet can not be baked?
Grows in the heat yet shuns the light of day?
What sinks in water but rises with air?
Looks like skin but is fine as hair?

Yeast.

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Up a Drainpipe Down but Not Down a Drainpipe Up

What can go up a drainpipe down but not down a drainpipe up?

An umbrella.

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The Sheep’s Will

A farmer dies leaving a will dividing his flock of nineteen sheep with the following ratios:

Half to his oldest son, a quarter to the middle son and one fifth to his youngest son.

Without cutting any sheep up, how did the executor of the will fulfill the farmer’s wishes?

The executor went to the neighbouring farm and asked to borrow a sheep for a few minutes. Then he returned to the sons and said, “Half of the (now) twenty sheep is 10. A quarter of the twenty sheep is 5. A fifth of the twenty sheep is 4. 10 + 5 + 4 = 19. Then the executor took the borrowed 20th sheep back to the neighbour.

Thanks to Annette for sending this in.

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New Door

Rearrange the letters in the words “new door” to make one word.

“new door” can be rearranged into “one word”

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Always Runs, Never Walks

What always runs but never walks, often murmurs, never talks, has a bed but never sleeps, has a mouth but never eats?

A river.

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You’ll Never See It Again

What day will you never see again?

Yesterday.

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What Has Wheels and Flies?

What has wheels and flies, but is not an aircraft?

A trash truck. I heard this one when I was a kid. Still a classic!

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T is Like an Island

How is the letter T like an island?

It’s in the middle of waTer.

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A Wonderful Help To Women

I am a wonderful help to women,
The hope of something to come.
I harm no citizen except my slayer.
Rooted I stand on a high bed. I am shaggy below.
Sometimes the beautiful peasant’s daughter, an eager-armed,
Proud woman grabs my body,
Rushes my red skin, holds me hard,
Claims my head. The curly-haired
Woman who catches me fast will feel
Our meeting. Her eye will be wet.

What am I?

An onion. Onions help add flavor to meals, they make the person who cuts them cry and they grow hair downtown.

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The Old Man’s Book

Milton shuffled slowly along the shelves browsing books. He finally walked up to the counter and handed the girl a book. She looked at the inside cover and told him it would be $3.75. Milton handed her the money and walked away without the book. The girl watched him leave empty-handed but didn’t try to stop him. Why?

Milton was a forgetful and naughty fellow. He was summoning his courage to approach the counter to return his overdue book. The kindly lass at the counter saw the book was 15 days overdue and had accrued the egregious late fee of $3.75 (25 cents a day). Lesson learned, Milton never returned a book late again.

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